Chuck Norris was filming when his posse got lost. They ended up in Arthur. All tired and sweaty from a hard day of riding, they decided to go for a drink. After hitching their horses at the rail out front, they slipped into "Upchuck Snorris' Hillbilly Hotel. Shuffling through six inches of Hillybilly hardtack, they were grumbling when they got to the bar. The Hillbilly behind the bar says to them, "Waddle ya hev strangers?"
Chuck says, "set us up with some beers."
"Surry, stranger, we ain't got no beer."
"Well, what'a ya got then?" Chuck asked.
"Hillybilly Hooch. Bess hooch n'town. Upchuck Snorris' finest."
Chuck says to the bartender. "You guys makin fun of me? You know who I am don't you?"
"Jizz some lost city slicker lookin' to get his hat knocked off" says the bartender. (local lingo for getting drunk) "I ain't funnin yer."
Chuck's body guard intervened and said, "That's no way to talk to Chuck Norris. Don't you know, he's got a third first hidden under his beard?" (Chuck was glaring).
The bartender snickered and said, "Hell, that ain't nothin' I got eight fists hidden in my beard." Quick as a drunken Hillbilly bartender can swagger, he reached into his beard and came out with a pair of squirrels. He flicked them at Chuck's body guard....
Christ, the dust's still settling down there at the Upchuck Snorris' Hillbilly Hotel. Every time one of those hillbilly's got hit, a 1/4 inch of Hillbilly dirt & grime exploded off them. By the time Chuck and the boys were done with them, they looked like a new bunch of Hillbillys. Never been so clean! Chuck's incredibly popular with the local gals now, having cleaned their boys up so well. A bunch of them got married up quick whilst their boys was lookin' sharp.
Chuck never did try "Upchuck Snorris' Hillbilly Hooch". Two glasses of Upchuck and you're guaranteed to toss your cookies, knocking the hat off your head. The Hillbilly's, well they'd never heard of Chuck Norris before. There's a local campaign on now wanting to bring in 'one of them movin' pichers' of Chuck Norris'. Preferably something with sound. They're reviewing Breaker! Breaker (1977), Good Guys Wear Black (1978), A Force of One (1979) or An Eye for an Eye (1981). They've never seen a colour movie before!
(BOOOOOOOOO. HISSSSSSS. BOOOOOOO)
